HEY EVERYONE!
Remember me? Kelsey? Yes? No?

I haven't been on since October. Well, technically I was on about two weeks ago via my iPod, but as far as submitting art or journal entries goes, I haven't done a single thing.

Many things have been going on in my life, some so unexpected.

Last fall was pretty fine, for the most part. I continued to spend time with friends here and there. I had done some other things too like visit a museum exhibit and went to Christmas parties.

Well, my grandfather had his 5th chemotherapy treatment on December 20th, my brother's birthday. This treatment completely messed him up. That whole week was terrible for him. He began to get dizzy almost to the point he'd pass out. He came close to falling a few times and then on Christmas Eve in the morning he fell on the floor, face first.
Christmas he managed to be okay.
We had our first white Christmas in Georgia since the 1800's!
The day following Christmas I went to see the Nutcracker ballet.
Anyway, come the following Monday (Dec. 27th) I had gone babysitting. When I returned, I saw that my brother and grandmother were helping my granddad go to his room in order to get dressed so we could try to take him to the doctor.
He barely made it to the hallway when he began to just sink to the floor because he could no longer stand due to his dizziness.
It was terrifying to see, especially since I had literally walked in the door at the right time from my sitting job. We all had to help get him up in a chair. He had to regain energy by laying on the floor for awhile, then we all helped sit him up as my grandmother called the doctor. They said to go ahead and call 911.
And thus, began the most terrifying and sad adventures of our lives.

The ambulance came and set him up, he responded but not as quick or well as we'd hoped.
My grandmother, mother and I went to the car in order to follow the ambulance to the hospital. My grandmother was in tears and she could tell things were about to be horrible. I knew it, too, although we tried to hold on to some hope.
She decided she wanted to ride in the ambulance with my granddad, so my mother and I were alone in the van. My brother and father stayed home so they could come visit later in the day.
I texted my best friend, whose phone was messed up so he had to give me a call from his brother's phone, and he talked to me. He's been very supportive over the past couple of months. And always has been.
Anyway, he talked to me until I got to the hospital, whom I'd later communicate with as we found out more from the doctors.
We remained in the waiting room for many, many hours... about 10 if I recall right.
They sent him to the ICU because of low blood pressure, blood count, respiratory issues, and because they were out of regular hospital rooms. He was in their for 3 days. I felt such terrible deja vu, because his sister passed on from Breast Cancer in the same hospital, same ICU. Those were terrible days, the first 3 in there... the other families that were experiencing rough times with relatives in the ICU, not knowing if they'd live or die...
Soon he was moved to a regular hospital room, while having barely-stable vitals. This is where he'd be for a few weeks.
Once we thought he was getting better (middle or late January I believe) and we thought he'd come home, he passed out during some physical therapy at the hospital, hurting his hip and requiring more than 4 doctors to get him back in bed. Some more time he spent in that hospital, but soon he was "well" enough to go to a rehab center across from the hospital. He was barely there for 24 hours when he had to go to radiation treatment. They had him sitting up for a long time (which was bad-- sitting up for too long dropped his blood pressure a lot) and he passed out before radiation began.
Guess where we wound up? In the same place we were in the beginning... the E.R.
We spent a number of hours in there that Friday afternoon. The next day he was moved to intermediate care which is between regular hospital care and ICU care. There he began to talk out of his head because of his blood pressure. His breathing was also somewhat irregular again. We spent so much time in the hospital with him.
After about a week in that care he was once again moved to a regular hospital room. We thought he'd be okay until a couple of weeks later we made the saddest decision it could have ever come to.
That decision was hospice.
For those of you who don't know what that is, it's essentially a place of care that is given to patients who have come to the point where they can't be made well again and they are in their final stages of life.
Well, he spent a month in hospice, when they said he was not declining fast enough.
From time to time he'd talk crazy, and he'd have his ups and downs.
Well, we tried to find nursing homes that took in hospice patients, but they were all outrageously expensive or didn't accept Medicare, but they were very nice homes.
We decided to bring him home where he'd stay in our dining room. This is where it got even more difficult.
We were glad to have him home, but it was a struggle only having a hospice nurse come visit twice a week. He was in our home again for about a month (give or take)... my great aunt and cousin would visit us almost every weekend, one being a retired hospice nurse, and would help us maintain the house and help my granddad.
In March my other great aunt (also being a sister of my grandma) came to visit with her granddaughter to help out. She's a retired nurse too. She was of great help and monitored my granddad's vitals.
His voice began to get raspy, although when they put him on oxygen his voice had a sudden volume boost, but went away by the 17th of March.
Well, he made it to his 60th wedding anniversary on St. Patrick's Day.

During his last week of life, he began to "see" deceased relatives such as his sister and said he was going to make ice cream and plant trees with her and Poppa.
My granddad, the day after his anniversary, stopped talking and began to just stare out in the distance. His breathing got horrible, and not even oxygen helped much.
On Saturday, March 19th, things were a struggle. Still no communication whatsoever from his dear self.
That evening I was on Skype with some classmates having an interesting discussion. Well, I noticed my cousin and two great aunts were in the dining room surrounding him. They had turned off the oxygen machine. I told my friends I had to go because they turned off the oxygen.
Moments later...
He passed away at 10:20 p.m.
I was ripping apart, collapsing deep down. It was the saddest evening of my life and I couldn't believe it.

That one decision he made to finish chemotherapy led to this.

I will miss my granddad Robert, he was such an incredible man and meant the world to me.
The Atlanta Journal Constitution newspaper wrote a featured obituary on him last week, and I feel that was an incredible tribute to him and an honor to know that they found his life so intriguing.
It has not been a pleasant two weeks since he passed. Last week we held the funeral which went smoothly. I spoke at it. It had been a rainy day, too.

Anyway, hope this wasn't too dismal for y'all... just thought I'd share to those who have read my posts about him in the past few years I have been on this website.

Thanks to all the support, folks, and I hope to upload new material very soon. Take care and happy spring to all of you.

-Kelsey

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